When a child asks why the sky is blue, or why we have bones inside of us, a parent will invariably offer up some kind of creative explanation. In an attempt to avoid confusing the child further with the scientific or biological principles involved, mom or dad may throw out some fantastical reasoning, hoping to placate curiosity long enough to distract further inquiries.

We don’t do it because we don’t want our kids to learn. We simply do it because love them, because we don’t want life to become too complicated for them too quickly. But what if the question is more personal in nature? What if your child wants to know where they came from, or why a family member is no longer around? These are much tougher questions to brush aside.

About a month ago, Corinne and I found ourselves in one of these situations. One of my wife’s good friend’s from work had just learned her 5-year-old son has acute lymphoblastic leukemia. Christy works as a nurse with my wife at St. Mary Mercy Hospital in Livonia. Corinne decided to go up to the hospital on one of her days off to deliver a Halloween card to Christy for her son, Gabe.

The card was homemade. Corinne and our 3-year-old-daughter, Emma, made it together, and were giving it to Christy along with some candy so Gabe could have at least a taste of Halloween while he was stuck in a hospital bed in Royal Oak. Emma was more than excited about the prospect of helping another kid feel better, but she had just one question: Why is he sick?

I knew better than to attempt an answer. My wife knows much more about this condition than I do, and she has the requisite experience putting these matters into lay terms. She also had an incredible bedside manner. She is quite adept as easing the pain, discomfort and confusion associated with being sick. But as I looked up at her for an answer to our daughters question none came.

She started at an explanation then shifted into another. I’m not sure why I expected that she would have a stamped-out answer at the ready, but as she struggled, I began to understand that this was a question she was not quite prepared for. She finally looked up from Emma and into my eyes; her expression was screaming “I can’t believe I don’t know what to say!”

Knowing versus understanding

Since that day, Gabe’s life has become very much a part of our own. His struggle is one that we are all trying as hard as we can to help him through. Emma has no real concept of what his illness is, though it’s not because we’re shielding her from the truth. She simply cannot grasp it. She has not yet met Gabe, and until she does, she isn’t going to know him for what he has become, and what his illness is doing to him.

When my wife originally took Emma up to her work to drop off the Halloween card with Christy, my daughter was under the impression that she was going to meet Gabe. I guess that she thought he was being treated there. “But I wanna see my sick friend,” she said when my wife explained that he wasn’t there. Emma was quite upset over this. I truly believe that she really wanted to meet him because she thought he could make him feel better.

A couple of weeks ago, my wife made plans with Christy to have Emma come out to the hospital and play with Gabe for a while one afternoon. Because his treatments are so rough right now, he ultimately wasn’t feeling well enough to have visitors that day. So, Emma has had a couple of dashed opportunities to meet Gabe. But she has really become a huge fan of his and seems to really feel like she is getting to know him despite not meeting him.

In the meantime, she still has no real concept about his illness. I worry about how she’ll respond to meeting him. I guess that’s normal, though. As parents, we all want our kids to be smart and well-adjusted, but we also want them to remain pure. We want to shield them from as many adult things as possible while their young. Illness is one of those things that we just don’t know how to explain, nor do we want them to really have to understand.

Neither did Christy. But she has been forced to deal with it. Gabe wasn’t given the choice to avoid learning about being truly sick. And when you are close to someone who has had this happen to them, as we are with Christy and Gabe, I suppose it may seem easier to explain as little about it to your kids as necessary. But we haven’t stopped trying to explain to Emma what has happened to Gabe. We want her to understand what Gabe, his mom and sister are going through.

We are currently putting together a fundraiser for Christy and Gabe, which we’ll have in late January. As we continue to plan for our event, Emma will continue to learn why we are doing it. I can’t take full credit for this, though. My wife, as a nurse, is the one who is more comfortable with illness, and as such has been most instrumental in teaching Emma about Gabe’s plight. I’m proud of her beyond words for this, and count myself lucky to be a part of all of it.

The cost of Gabe's treatment has hit Christy very hard, though it's not merely the bills. She has had to sacrifice quite a bit of her work time to be with him, which compounds her money troubles further. Our event aims to help her with these costs. We will host a bowling fundraiser at 1 p.m., Jan. 21, at Plaza Lanes, 42001 Ann Arbor Rd. E., Plymouth. Admission is $15 per person and includes pizza and beverages. We will also have drawings for a variety of donated items. We have solicited the help of many family and friends, as well as community members and business owners. The support has been amazing.

If you can't make the bowling date but want to help, email a check or money order to Keeping Up With Gabe's Fight c/o Corinne Flynn PO BOX 6267, Plymouth, MI 48170. Please make checks out to Gabriel Treve.