On Christianity, Divorce and Being a Single Mom

I know all about the facets of being a single mom.  I was the daughter of a single mom and now am one myself. 

I have a unique perspective among many Christians, too, about what it is like to experience both sides of divorce.  Oftentimes it appears there is a judgment that surrounds the circumstance of divorce from the Christian community.  These days, with such high divorce rates, those who are active in the Christian faith — especially in Middle America — seem to have a negative, preconceived notion about divorced people.

What the Bible says about divorce in the Old Testament, particularly in the Torah, several guidelines were given that granted the permission for divorce.  In the New Testament the guidelines were updated because Jesus noticed that people had become too lax about divorce and were seeking divorce for frivolous reasons.  In the New Testament, Jesus declares that the most valid and permissible reason for divorce is in the circumstance of infidelity of one’s spouse. 

Although many Christians and non-Christians alike would and could argue other strong circumstances and cases that allow for divorce, such as abuse, drug or alcohol abuse  or when one spouse lives a lifestyle that puts the other spouse or their family in danger, divorce seems not only a reasonable action but a sane one, as well. 

 All that being said, and looking at divorce statistics, it seems strange to me that the divorce rate is so high after going through one myself.  Not only is the process expensive but emotionally taxing and difficult as well.  It doesn’t seem to matter whether a person is a Christian or a non-Christian; everyone I’ve encountered has not been so quick to divorce, regardless of their situation. 

 In my own experience, it took years for me to finally file.  It was only after exhausting all of my efforts to sustain our marriage alone that I finally hit the proverbial wall of hopelessness.

Regardless of the reasons, it is still difficult to walk away from a life and a life with a person you’ve loved.  Even if that life and person wasn’t all that they seemed to be. The fact remains that despite the extreme hurt of betrayal and mistrust, it isn’t easy to just walk away from a marriage. 

The truth is that things have to be really bad and extremely painful to finally come to the resolution that divorce is the only option, especially when children are involved.  I know in my own circumstances I had to consider the long-term effects divorce would have on our child. I wasn’t the only one whose life would be altered forever by that decision to file for divorce; my young child’s life would also be forever changed.  That weighed on me greatly especially understanding the experience of being a child of divorced parents.  It caused me great pain to think of her living out of a suitcase for the next 15 years and splitting holidays and having to miss both of her parents at one time or another.  

The fact is that divorce is difficult and it isn’t fun for anyone, even in the worst of circumstances, it still bites!

After great deliberation and the action of filling I finally found an inner peace as I was able to release the mistrust and pain, as well as my fear of being alone.  What I feared the most had finally come and it wasn’t so bad. 

How have our lives changed?  Well in many ways it is better; I am no longer preoccupied with things that are out of my control. Divorce allowed me to free up my energy, my heart and mind to focus more on our daughter’s needs.  Now our time together is of better quality even though the quantity is divided.   The difficult part is watching her sad because she misses her Dad when he is away.   The strength comes now from knowing that even though I didn’t have control over saving our marriage I do have control over teaching our daughter how to handle the difficulty and pain of situations we don’t always have control over. 

It has strengthened our relationship and allowed for her to become a sensitive, considerate person with a very mature perspective.  Last, but not least, this situation helped to teach us to turn to God and strengthen our faith in God.  Although it is a difficult situation, it is not an impossible one.  Remembering to put our focus and trust in God during the difficult times as well as the good times has proven to reinforce our faith, grown us as individuals as well as in our new family dynamic.  All of which helped add a little sweetness to a bitter situation.