A Tribute To Twinkies

I remember the good old days of my youth when I could eat just about anything I wanted, and never gain a pound.  Now, at the age of 50, I gain weight just looking at my favorite foods and snacks.   I don't like the term fat, or overweight, so when describing my body type, I say "Body by Hostess."  My absolute favorite Hostess snack is by far Twinkies! 

I love them, and millions of Americans agree with me.  I love them so much that my bucket list at one point even included a trip down south to a county fair, to enjoy deep-fried Twinkies.

On a recent visit to my new family doctor for a routine physical, I was politely informed that it would be a wise thing to make adjustments to my "Body by Hostess."  We had a heart-to-heart about my weight and cholesterol level, and well, she broke the news to me that I needed to make some major changes in my diet, and the Twinkies had to go. 

I initially refused, but we compromised, and she finally agreed to allow me to eat them in moderation, her version of moderation is two Twinkies a year.  My doctor is a tough negotiator. 

Not one to give up easily, I decided to do a little research to find out just how bad Twinkies really are for a guy on a diet.  The results were mixed.  While I confirmed that Twinkies are not the best way to fill my daily calorie allotment, I also found that they have a fascinating story in American history.

A Twinkie is 4 inches long, and an inch and a half wide.  While it is yummy, it is also nutritionally worthless.  While eggs, milk, and butter were the basic ingredients when invented, the need for a longer shelf life necessitated that other ingredients be introduced.  Officially, the Twinkie  has 39 different ingredients, and most of them are chemically created, and unpronounceable unless you are a chemistry student. 

Interestingly, 8 of the 39 ingredients are derived from corn, and maybe that is why I like them so much. I love corn, especially with lots of butter. Bottom line is that a single Twinkie has 150 calories, 4.5 grams of fat, 19 grams of sugar, and not a stitch of dietary fiber.  I am no doctor, and don't really know what these numbers represent, other than a frown on my doctor's face, so it's a no-go for Twinkies and Bryan.

Now for the fun stuff: The Twinkie was invented in 1930 by a guy named James Dewer, who was a vice president for Continental Bakeries, which produced snacks under the Hostess name.  Most of their snacks were fruit-filled baked goods, and were seasonal.  One of them was a strawberry-filled cake snack that was produced only when strawberries were in season. So when strawberries were not in season, the equipment sat idle, and idle equipment makes no money. Dewer decided to create a snack that could be produced year-round, and the Twinkie was born. How did the Twinkie get its name?  Mr. Dewer happened to see a billboard on his way to the marketing meeting advertising Twinkle-Toe Shoes, and he now had a name for his snack, and in the Depression era 1930s you could by a pack of two Twinkies for a nickel.

Originally, the Twinkie was filled with a banana cream filling, but with World War II came banana rationing.  Remember the song "Yes We Have No Bananas"?  Because of the rationing, Hostess changed to the vanilla creme filling that we enjoy today — well, everybody but me. 

Hostess did, however, bake Special Edition Twinkies with banana creme filling for its 50-year anniversary. By the 1950s, Twinkies took on an even greater popularity by sponsoring the Howdy Doody Show, and The Twinkie Kid was introduced as the show's mascot.  There are those who have called me the Twinkie Kid.  I chose not to share this tidbit with my doctor as I am sure the humor would have been lost on her.

Along came the '60s, and the Cold War. Nuclear attack was a major fear of many Americans. Bomb shelters were built all across our country, and Twinkies were a favorite staple in these shelters.  For whatever reason, many people thought, and some still do, that Twinkies can last for 20 years or more, and still be edible.  Unfortunately, this is wishful thinking, and the Twinkie is good to eat for approximately 25 days, and according to Hostess, the Twinkie is actually on the store shelf no more than 7 to 10 days. 

It is interesting to note that President Bill Clinton, who has a certain affinity for all foods junk, did in fact put a Hostess Twinkie in a time capsule back in the '90s. In 1988, Fruit & Cream Twinkies were introduced featuring a strawberry filling swirled into the cream.  While this didn't last long, banana cream was brought back in 2005 for a month-long promotion for the movie King Kong, which resulted in a 20 percent boost in sales.  I was personally responsible for two percent of that number by my calculations. 

In exciting news for Walmart shoppers, Hostess now offers Chocolate Cream Twinkies. They can only be found at Walmart stores, though.

Twinkies are very versatile, and have been used in many ways.  They have been served deep-fried, there have been Twinkie Wedding Cakes, and there is even a Twinkie Recipe Book with 50 different recipes involving Twinkies.  I may even attend my next Halloween party in a Twinkie costume.  I would be interested to hear from others on different uses of Twinkies.

There is now bad news for this American snack icon, though. In January of this year, Hostess, the maker of Twinkies, filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection.  Twinkie sales for the year 2011 were 36 million packages, down two percent from the previous year.  At their height of popularity, Hostess baked 500 million Twinkies a year.  Hostess has attributed these decreases to Americans migrating to healthier foods.  Well that's a real head slapper! Really?  Hostess is currently hoping to avoid liquidation, and attract new investors in order to stay in business, and I hope they are successful, even though I can no longer enjoy these golden delights.  it would be just tragic to lose what I consider the No. 1 snack icon in American history.

In one final attempt to sway my wonderful doctor, I shared with her the story of Mark Haub, a college professor who decided to go on a "convenience store" diet in order to prove to his students that in weight loss, it is purely calorie counting that counts, and not the nutritional value of the food.  His diet consisted mainly of Twinkies, Oreos, and Doritos.  He lost 27 pounds over the course of two months, and his Body Mass Index returned to normal levels.  As I was walking out of the doctors office, I could still hear her laughing hysterically in the back...