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Health & Fitness

A Lesson Learned is a Lesson Earned

Teaching the value of a dollar can be a tricky process. Each child has a different way of learning as well as handling situations.

Raising children is a difficult situation, to say the least. Compound that by raising children in two different generations and you really learn to understand why people go gray fast.

My wife and I are very fortunate to have four very healthy children who have done some amazing things beyond what we could have ever imagined. We know that luck was on our side with all of them, but raising them also involved tremendous sacrifice, working together as a solid team, and patience of a sleeping baby. See, I am a second-time husband married to a first time wife. I brought two young children into the marriage who at the time were 6 and 4 when we got married almost 16 years ago. We then decided to add two more to the mix because, as they say, when there is two, there should be more, because what is one or two more?

So our story begins with two kids now in college at the ages of 22 and 20 and two kids in middle school at the ages of 14 and 12. While many say it should be easy the second time around because you had plenty of practice, the stories I will share will tell you differently. As I said, these are two sets of children being raised in two very different generations of children (young adults), where social media was basically non-existent in my older two’s years and is the only thing my younger children know. But there is not enough space to discuss this at this time so you will need to check back in and read about it over time.   

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One of the first things my wife and I realized over the course of raising these wonderful children is each one is their own. You hear it all the time, but until you take a step back, understand it and watch it, you really never grasp it. We are creatures of habit so we always do the same thing with raising kids, it worked for this one, so it must work for that one. I will be the first to tell you it’s like running a business or a team, multiple personalities, with a hint of sarcasm built into each child. Our job is to find that passion and reason to what makes a child tick, all the while learning to take the positive lessons you received from your parents when you were growing up and apply them to each situation differently amongst the children.

One lesson we learned from our parents was that in order to want something you had to put your skin in the game. So we both worked through high school and both worked to put ourselves through school, as well as to maintain and live on our own. As I like to stay to my generation X and Y employees, no one gave me a silver spoon so to speak. While it was not easy we made it work and sacrificed much (emotionally and mentally, that is). Our goal was to do the same with all four kids, because we believe that when you work for it and earn it, you appreciate it much more. Both of my older kids started working at 15 so they could afford what they liked, you know the saying, a Champagne taste on a Pinto budget. But what we failed to realize is that each child can only take so much pressure and manage their time effectively.

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See, my daughter has ADHD so managing multiple tasks is just not easy for her. While she excelled through high school in grades and in sports, because see focused and studied,  but when we put that added stress of working on top of it, it changed things around. So the deal was made, you work minimum hours (16 a week) but your goal is to get a scholarship for college and this would be the same as putting money away if you had a job. This would also allow to her to live on campus to be able to focus on her studies as well as engage in the club sport she was going to be playing. It was a good deal that provided for structure and goal setting all the while maintaining her sense of accomplishment and rationale. Today she continues to work while going to school 4 hours a day Monday through Friday and plays the club sport, all while maintaining her GPA for her scholarship.

Why she does this is what my wife and I are so proud of; because she learned at a young age that in order to get something, you have to give something. Nothing comes easy in this world and nothing is free. When you earn it, it is that much sweeter.

My wife and I were told many times we put too much pressure on her because of her ADHD, but we maintain this was not a disability which should be used to give her an excuse through life, but a chance to prove she can do extraordinary things when provided with a structure, a goal, and the confidence and assurance they demand from us the parents. Was it easy, no, was it worth it, every bit so. She learned many things thru this 6 year journey, which will only help her in life as she begins to enter the "real world". She currently is sitting in Cancun during spring break, enjoying her time which she paid for because of the lesson she learned. She skimped, she saved, she suffered, she sacrificed, and yes she complained to us a lot, but she did it and she gets it today. Now we are not sure if she gets it tomorrow, but those are the trials and tribulations of being a parent. It is a thankless enduring job, or is it !

The lessons learned far outweighed the pain endured. Just like a sports star, you only get to the place you want to be by putting your time and attention to your overall goal. But it starts with parenting them to live this way and recognizing each one is different. When you get that, you have parenting under-control, or do we.

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