I Will NOT Be Your Dungeon Master...

The heart/brain combo is quite a complex and confusing relationship. Sometimes there are moments where your brain is telling you something quite logical, yet your heart is jumping in the way to sabotage a fairly normal response. For example, I just found out that my ex is engaged. My brain is telling me that I was the one who broke it off, that because he’s not in my life that I should pay no mind to the news. My heart is just a little behind, obviously got left back a few years in school. A smorgasbord of questions/emotions has ensued since I found out, and the majority of those questions are too petty and stupid to repeat here, but suffice to say that I’m dealing with some weird demons in the struggle between brain and heart.

Within 8ish months of us breaking up, he’s engaged to someone else. Interesting. I wonder if she’s knocked up… Now that’s out of my system, we’ll move on.

How did dating get so complicated? People don’t want to meet organically anymore, and we’re scared to talk to each other. But put us behind a computer and we’ve got bigger nerves and even bigger egos. I mean come on, would a man in real life come up to me in a bar and say to me, “If you’ve got no inhibitions, let me know, because I think we should have sex”. He might, but he would definitely get a boot to the crotch. Over the internet I can only marvel at the ballsiness of people.

*Funny side note, I was driving behind a person the other day who was in a busted up Monte Carlo (the hood a separate color than the rest of the vehicle), who had a stencil of a pit bull on his back window, and a slogan across the top that said “Too low for fat @$$ hoes”. To really up that classy factor, this 400-and-some pound fella was smoking like a chimney and spitting some giant loogies out his window. I needed to paint that picture for someone else- thanks for being there, reader.*

Back to the issue at hand. I went on a date with an uber nerd. It was actually the best date that I’ve been on since the on-set of my singleness. I knew going in to this whole thing that he was a nerd, and I was ok with it, nerdy can be hot. We had some nice conversation and a few laughs, but there was no attraction. Nada. He was one of those people who is so slender that you’re afraid to touch them because they might shatter. And I’m willing to put up with some video game playing, but what he was discussing was to a whole new level. Regardless of the fact that he was allergic to everything on God’s green earth, he was a nice guy, and we actually had a lot in common. I just wasn’t feeling it. He could have been more of a literary buddy instead of a love interest. And I say “could have” because I never spoke to him again. Honest to Jeebus, I was going to message him later to talk books, but time got away from me and I missed my window (I did the Relay for Life that weekend, and suffice to say I was stressed to the max and the thought of dating didn’t even cross my mind). Then it got to that awkward point where it had been 2 weeks since the date, and what was I going to say? “Sorry, I forgot all about you, but it doesn’t matter anyway because I see you as more of a friend”? Probably not, but I could have at least sent him a quick message saying it was nice to meet him but I didn’t think there was any chemistry. I tried to go back and send him a message about 3 weeks later, but he had deleted his account. And I felt crappy.

So things are slow going on the sites. I think it’s really funny that I get messages from repeat creepers because I add a new photo. Apparently the weirdos think I don’t remember them from their super crude message prior to. No dude, I totally remember you, and just because you waited 2 months doesn’t mean you’re going to get under my radar.

I had a few people give me the false alarms. I had someone message me a really eloquently composed message, but he didn’t have a profile picture or anything really filled out- and I’m very wary of all that. Turns out he emailed me his pictures (he didn’t want his ex gf to find him on there or something, IDK), and he was nice, we emailed back and forth a bit. One Monday he asked if I was going to be around later that night, which I took to mean he was going to either email me, or want to do the coffee gig, but I never heard from him ever again. Then yesterday I got a “So-and-so wants to meet you!” message, and I emailed this new guy- still haven’t heard anything. I go out on the limb because YOU were too chicken (crap) to send me a message, and then I don’t get anything back? Totally bogus. If you’re too nervous to send a message and want to click the “Meet them” icon instead, fine. I get it, dating is scary. But if you do so, and that person emails you back, then why wouldn’t you respond? Hell if I know.